Back to Lunch

Two experiments with lunch this week and each a success!

My first experiment doesn't come with a personal picture. I made this meal (with the help of my loving husband) three times and every time was at the last second.  No time for picture taking foolishness. :) In fact, this was just the meal for nights when I literally do not have time to eat.  It's my current plan for nights when I have to charge.  So what is this amazing time saver of a meal? It was a pre-made paleo meal from RSB catering, simmered to perfection and tossed in the food processor with a little added (homemade) chicken broth and pureed to oblivion.  In the blender it looked like the epitome of health food (i.e. ew!) but consumed through a straw from a metal travel mug it was a delicious creamy soup.  My first meal was a combo of turkey chili, sweet potato puree, brussels sprouts, swiss chard, and chicken broth. I was very nervous about pulverizing so much good food into something potentially nasty but was VERY pleasantly surprised. I sipped it all night as I charted and ran around like a mad woman.  HUGE success. (bonus: no one ever questioned my supper. I might as well have been drinking water. no one ever batted an eye at the weirdness of my meal.  success!)

My second experiment does come with a picture. I made a paleo sandwich (well, wrap).  It has been almost a year since I've had a sandwich and I sincerely miss the convenience factor.  Never fear. I ordered Pure Wrap original and curry flavored wraps.  I filled the curry wrap with tuna salad (tuna, mayo, cranberries, carrots, salt, and pepper) and chowed down. SO amazing.  The cranberries and curry went SO well together.  Happy happy eating. :)  Now to dive into my copy of Well Fed and plan my meals for the week (including Christmas and family visits, yay!). 

Oh, here's the picture.

Apologies- a first draft

Maybe I need to say something like this:

I know that you're upset with me, and I know at least one thing I did to make you feel that way.  I'm sorry that I made you feel like I was taking advantage of you.  I promise you that I never meant to use you or treat you unfairly and I acknowledge my part in that. I'm sorry. I also feel like there may have been previous things I did (that I don't know about yet, that I didn't realize offended you) that I need to apologize for. So, I'm sorry for them too. I don't want there to be anything between us. I'd like to start over and try again. What can I do to make this right?

Night Shift Woes

I miss sleeping next to my husband.  I love curling up next to him in the bed.

How long, I wonder, can I work the night shift before I put my health at serious risk?

"The New Nurse"

Walt encouraged me to journal things I've learned or experienced so that one day when I've forgotten what it was like to be "the new nurse" I will be able to look back and give advice and encouragement to someone else.

So here we go (in no particular order):

• At first you will feel super insecure about everything: drawing up liquid medicines, hanging and setting IVs, asking the patient if they use illegal drugs... This will pass.  It will pass too quickly.  You'll start to feel comfortable and make mistakes.  Be slow and steady.  The mistakes will cause you to be nervous again.  The next time you grow comfortable, I think, it will actually be because you've got it down. Still be slow and steady. The first time you got comfortable you got sloppy this time you just feel at ease. I think I felt this at 5 months.
• Find an ally.  You're new and need a friend who will answer your stupid questions without making you feel stupid. Also, ask your stupid questions.  It's better to feel stupid than to write up an incident report.  Then you'll really feel stupid.
• Ask for forgiveness when you make interpersonal mistakes. I haven't figured out how the whole co-worker situation works yet. It seems complicated and slightly petty. 6 months in and I still feel like I'm accidentally stepping on toes. Hopefully I'll be able to give better advice on this SOON.
• Take your breaks. Eat your food. Always be willing to help.

Advent

December 6 — 1 John 4:7-21
While  dwelling  upon  God’s  great  love  for  you,  what
facets of the Gospel has He used to most ignite worship
in  your  heart?  Secondly,  how  are  you  reflecting  His
kind of sacrificial love at work, school, or in your home?

What first stood out to me in this passage was in verses 16-18: And so we know and rely on the love God has for us. God is love. Whoever lives in love lives in God, and God in them. This is how love is made complete among us so that we will have confidence on the day of judgement: In this world we are like Jesus. There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment.

It is God's love his giving, sacrificial, atoning, preemptive love that gives us confidence on the day of judgement and leaves us with nothing to fear. It is the base that stabilizes our future.  We can act in confidence today because of our security in tomorrow.  In this world we are like Jesus. How exciting is that? This passage reminds me... it encourages boldness in me.  LOVE THOSE AROUND YOU. Actively. At work I believe that I often act out of the love God has supernaturally placed within me.  God gives me patience with all sorts of impossible people.  I can only give him credit.  However, I know that I should move beyond mere patience and kindness.  There are opportunities for greater love and I need to step into them boldly. 

Work, in the patient's room, is the easiest place to apply this.  Not only is it the easiest place to see the implications it's the easiest place to enact them.  But once I step out into the hall or back into my house the situation gets more tricky.  I feel like I have to focus more on the sacrificial and preemptive aspects of God's love outside the patient's room. And yet, in this world we are like Jesus. That still blows me away. God lives in us and his love is made complete in us. It seems to me I need to surrender to him and allow that work in my life when I slip back into "loving" within my own power.... which happens a whole lot in my day to day life... and not very successfully.

Praise God that he chose to love us first! That he created the basis for our security and boldness. That his love in us makes us like him in this world. That we are able to exhibit it even tho' in and of ourselves we're pretty rotten, selfish, and insecure. And so we know and rely on the love God has for us. God is love. Whoever lives in love lives in God, and God in them.

Christmas Goings On

Let's just say I feel a little left out.  I didn't feel left out until I had a friend at church mention how busy she'd been now that it's Christmas-time.  You know, all the parties, baking, decorating, pot-lucks, events... something every night.  I nodded my head in agreement and thought about how we put up the tree and created a pandora station. Honestly, my schedule keeps me from doing much with people so I can't be too upset... but it would be nice to be asked.  Anyway, I've decided to make a list of what I want to see and do this Christmas season and to try do at least a few of them.  Here are some I've pulled from ILoveMemphisBlog.

• Drive by Graceland to see the light display
• Check out a holiday play (maybe, If Scrooge Was a Brother)
• A Concert (Transiberian Orchestra on the 8th, perhaps)
• Watch a modern Nutcracker (Nut Remix 12/9-12/11)
• Zoolights once Mom & Alex get here

Also there's our Christmas Eve and Day services (tho' eve depends on my sleep schedule) and my birthday to consider.  I've decided to bring cupcakes to my co-workers like kids used to do in elementary school. Muddy's Bakery here I come!

Christmas-time is here again

Welcome to Advent.  I have not been very good at focusing on Advent this season despite rudimentary effort to make my life "cheery & bright." My house and life are a mess and adding anything to my day is typically a thought as I fall asleep to try for tomorrow.

That said, advent is important. God took on human flesh... and we're not talking beautiful rippling muscles and shiny white teeth. God came as a helpless baby and subjected himself to our diseases, discomforts, aging, and limitations. He limited and lessened himself with the end goal of sacrifice for me. The only immortal one became mortal, tired, and gave himself up willingly for me.  We waited and waited.  Our only hope seemed ridiculous.  Why would anyone do this? But our hope came.  We need to remember.  We need to celebrate.

Step one will be to go through Fellowship's Advent Devotional. I'll keep you posted on steps to come.

PR

You can't PR every day. I know it.  It just feels like lately all my days have been worse than days before. My motivation to continue eating clean has been performance rather than weight loss.  Sure, weight loss was the initial motivator but I can't sustain a diet based on wanting to look good.  I get sick of the restrictions and decide that I look good enough to give up (never mind that going back to the old way of eating means going back to the old way of looking). But paleo stuck because I had to eat that way to make my way through my workouts. This is the way to eat if I want to be active and have fun and see results (strength and body composition).

Lately there have been no results.  At least that's how I feel. My sleep is jacked up. I have no energy to work out. When I make it to the WOD it just doesn't seem that exciting and I don't feel like I do that great. All in all my motivation to workout: through the tubes; and my motivation to eat right: in the crapper. It's a big and vicious cycle. My body hasn't started changing back yet but that's the next step... if I don't put an end to this.

I guess I've got a short term plan. I bought Primal Pacs and they are going to be what I eat when I really just want crap. Quick easy and clean food. It's a stop-gap until my body doesn't beg for the carbs I've been feeding it. I have to not cheat for 3 weeks (I may have to order more Primal Pacs).

Also, I think Walt & I are going to 'switch' boxes. He's using Faction to stretch (he's got the current membership) and I want to use their programming. Hopefully I can get the excitement back and start to see improvement again. It may be more disappointment at the beginning, however, if I really have regressed. I have to prepare myself for it.  Even if I'm not worse I am worse off... my lack of sleep has got to be a factor.

That leads me to my final point.  This one isn't so short term.  I guess I have to start looking for a day-shift/12 hour shift job. If they can't give it to me on 4E (12 hours... not days) I'll have to consider it. As much as I hate that, my health is worth it and I'm going to have to start thinking in that direction. 

My Weekend is Too Short

Delightful dinner. So quick and easy that the only picture I have is of its leftovers.

Honestly, it was just lunch meat rolled up in cheese & the best apple ever. Who can't use a simple and tasty paleo meal on their night off?  I'm seriously tempted to eat another apple. The honey crisps I got on Saturday are the best I've ever tasted. YUM.

In other news, it's my weekend again. This month I get Monday/Tuesday off (which is really Sunday night and Monday). So on my first weekend night off (since May) I slept until 3, drank some highly caffeinated tea, took a walk with Walt & the dog, went to church (drank some more tea), and rushed to Arkansas (less rushing next week) for a bonfire with the Wilsons.

Let me just say, I married a man who can make an incredible cooking fire. We had s'mores (yay, that's the treat for this week) with nutella and cheddar brats and pork ribs. Great food and as a side bonus: my clothes smell like campfire. One of the best smells on earth.

Tomorrow I'm going to try to get up early (I'll hopefully go to bed early too) so Walt & I can go to Meeman-Shelby Forest State Park to hike some new trails. I want to cook some chicken I've had my eye on for at least a week and carve some pumpkins too. Unfortunately, I guess the zoo will have to wait until another time. I'm kind of hoping for a cold and drizzly day.  Is that weird? I just picture myself and Walt all bundled up and close together with the animals and a distinct lack of whiny kids thanks to the slightly crummy weather. I might even carry around a coffee or spiced cider. This could be just perfect. :)

In still other news, I'm not feeling very motivated to work out lately. I feel like I'm getting weaker, not stronger and miss the programming I got used to at Faction. I like my new box... just not the main site workouts.  It's hard to get up for a work out when you don't see the results. It's hard to get up at all with this crazy work schedule I have. I really just want 12 hour shifts or days. But with my manager not (truthfully) willing to consider 12 hour shifts it looks like I'm stuck trying to motivate myself on too little sleep for a little while longer. Thankfully, I just got my copy of Make It Paleo to play with this next week. (It's the size of some of my nursing text books. I can play with this book for weeks and weeks to come!)

VI

It must be the caffeine coursing through my veins, but I'm pretty excited about life right now.  There's no good reason.  I'm still trying to live days and nights and thinking about whether or not I should look for a new job, whether or not we should move back to Arkansas, whether or not to live above our means and join back up at Faction, whether or not Walt's back will heal and he'll join the army, waiting to see how long we live in limbo until we know and can move ahead, etc. etc. (I know, I know... 1st world problems).

All of that, a messy house, and here I am meal planning for the next 7 days. It's 4 AM Wednesday morning. I just hope I can get the energy up to buy the groceries and prep the ingredients for these meals. But right now, it all seems very doable.  And this morning I'm going to go work out (hence the coffee). 0600 WOD here I come. I'm just crossing my fingers that it is still on. Life feels pretty good.

(Oh- and fyi, today I had brats for breakfast and then picked up a DELICIOUS cup of illy coffee at Cafe Eclectic on our way to Arkansas. It's gray and chilly and rainy and it made me want to move to Seattle and drink coffee all the time --that is a lot of and's--. In Arkansas I got to see most of the Stokes clan --Bob, Barbara, Dorothy, baby Julia, Kora, Saja, David, & Tobias-- and then got to break in a "youth gun" for my niece's birthday. I hadn't realized how much more fun it is to shoot a gun when it doesn't leave bruises on your shoulder and take all your might to pull the trigger, hold the gun, and avoid kickback.  I feel kinda sheepish but... I think they need a little rebranding so that I can proudly own one myself. After dark Walt & I made our way back to Memphis to the 3 Angel's Diner --this is attempt two in two days, I wanted me some brussels sprouts-- where we had the amazing Colossus Burger sans bun, pickle and chips. You know it's good when you can get full sans bun, pickle, and chips; and this burger stuffs me. We came home where I fell asleep during Toy Story 3, oops, made some coffee, did some laundry, discovered the accent vlog -- more to come on that--, and sat down to plan our week in food.  Also, on a slightly related note, this is a 4 day work week for me. Yet another reason life is looking good. :) Sorry for that ramble.  This is probably proof positive that coffee has a profound affect on me. I just hope I don't crash just before 6.)

V

I made it 5 days no cheat.  Alas, only 5 days. We had some good meals before The Belmont Grill gave me a very measly little burger on quite delicious bread, note to self, The Belmont is probably not the best choice for a paleo dinner.  They did have a great Long Island Iced Tea tho... This week I ate some delicious meatloaf (covered in bacon and stuffed with sweet potatoes), Chicken Coconut Curry, Maple Balsamic Mahi Mahi, and Cinnamon Chipotle Sliders (those smelled incredible while cooking). Very nice.

On Friday Walt & I went to the Broad Avenue Arts & Bikes Night. Fun beautiful art and metal work. Also DELICIOUS brussels sprouts and "colossal burger" at the 3 Angel's Diner. We spent a little time with some friends from Faction, Walt talked with a blacksmith, and I bought some art that I need to frame and hang on the walls.  I still can't figure out when to sleep. I want to be awake during the day but I have to be awake at night. This post isn't very exciting. I guess it's time to take some melatonin and hit the sack.

I

Day One Success! Well... 24 hours down. :)  I'm still happy.  I've had egg salad (2 eggs, organic mayo, salt, pepper, and paprika), almonds, coffee with coconut creamer and coconut curry "throw together." I'm taking the leftovers with me to eat for "lunch" at work tonight so hopefully there'll be no cheating there. The curry was pretty good.  Life lesson I need remember, however, is that my ovens never cook as quickly as recipes predict.  Regardless, who can complain about chicken, broccoli, butternut squash, sweet potato all smothered in coconut milk, coconut flour, and amazing seasonings? Not me! I'm going to pull it together and head out to work.

Since Wednesday

Wednesday was an awful night at work. Awful enough to cry to my husband and derail my diet with carb comfort foods.  Instead of going to bed we went out to Brother Juniper's (awesome). I ordered a Juniper Latte (Espresso, caramel, steamed milk, topped w/ whipped cream) and 3 pieces of french toast with maple syrup and bacon. To top it off I stole my hubby's home fries. The sugar rush was incredible. It even did the emotional trick for the day. The end results, however, not so good. My carb cravings? MASSIVE from that day on.

Since that fateful breakfast I've had pizza, brownies, gelato (twice), a cookie, chocolates from work's candy drawer, mexican at mi pueblo, and tacos at chipotle. all i want to eat are carbs and i have been giving in! That is, until tonight. Tonight we went to Chipotle for dinner and afterwards I made myself a (paleo) chai pumpkin latte. Delish!  However, combine the corn and rice from dinner with the coconut milk from dessert and you get one VERY unhappy tummy.

This has got to end. Also! I had my first "Oh my gosh, I think I'm going to die if I don't eat NOW" moment that I remember in recent history. I used to have those daily. I couldn't think. I felt sick. I was irritable. And Walt had to quickly figure out and come up with the food my body was craving or all hell would break loose.  The moment that returned I knew I had a problem. I have to go back to eating strict paleo. And now I have my husband's support. No more feeding my whims.  It's time to get serious and eat right. I'm going to see how many days I can go without cheating. Here's hoping for a whole week! ;)

Two Successes

We had a huge success last week with bacon wrapped chicken skewers and mango dipping sauce. Walt even said that we never needed to eat out again. "This is probably better than any restaurant meal I've had in a year." The mango dipping sauce was so good we tried freezing it into popsicles for a later date (not as much a success. but take out the vinegar and it would be incredible too).

Another dinner success was last night (at 5 am). Here I made Turkey Curry Pumpkin Sliders with garlic sauteed broccoli. I doubt this one is Walt's favorite but it certainly is one of mine.

 This is my last night off and a new week of easy (& delicious) dinners await.

Bedtime for the Bonzette

What is your bedtime routine, dear non-existent reader?
On days when I have to work it goes something like this: Let the dog out and boil some water for tea, drop my scrubs directly into the washer and change into my pj's, let the dog in and give him his breakfast. I pour my tea and take my vitamins, clean myself up. Then I take my Magnesium Serene "tea" into bed with me, snuggle up next to the hubby and talk about the day, ask him how he slept. Once I'm done sipping my tea I'll go to sleep and he'll get up for the day. That's how bedtime goes 5 days a week.
On my weekends (whatever days those may be), I try to ease into sleep just a little bit more gradually (Seriously, it may sound eased but it's 30 minutes from blue alerts, RRTs, and psych patients leaving AMA to snuggling in with my sweetie). On weekends I turn off the lights and tv one hour before bedtime.  I shut off all the blue lights and replace them with candles. I get ready for bed while getting the dog ready for the day. Then I take my tea, cozy up with my nook, and read by candle light until I'm good and tired. Finally, I snuggle in with my honey, ask him how he slept, and drift off to sleep myself.
Speaking of... it's time to shut this computer and open up my nook.

Crash & Burn

We had company Saturday, Sunday, & today.  We had pizza, twice. Gellato, once. And two CRAZY nights at work. I had no time for the "Big Ass Salad" that I packed the past two nights.  Instead, I ate chips and almond butter. But today is a new day.  After 10 hours of sleep, it's time to try again and plan ahead.

Day 7

Everything about my meal tonight was amazing! Walt & I went to a friend's house for dinner and Rockband.  The menu consisted of home-made sweet potato chips & guacamole, bacon wrapped shrimp and bacon wrapped pineapple as an appetizer (new favorite!), grilled summer squash, salad, and asparagus-stuffed chicken breasts for dinner, followed by dark chocolate and wine for dessert. Thank you, Nicole, for such an amazing treat! I have to admit, it was really nice to have people stay up late with me too :). 0200 is a lot more exciting when there are people around.

Week 1

Work was ridiculously busy on Saturday and didn't leave me a moment to eat. I got stuck eating my tuna salad at 8:30 when I got home. Delicious, just a little bit late.

Sunday night I ate tuna salad, 1/2 of an avocado, and a banana AT WORK. So nice! Also, my sweet husband stayed up past his bedtime to make my lunch for me. So I feel pretty blessed.

On Monday Walt & I had some amazing espresso rubbed steak and eggs for dinner (his dinner, my breakfast).  I purposefully doubled the recipe so the rest could come with me. :) hooray! Leftover steak plus one washed and ready to microwave sweet potato equals one delicious lunch!  The seasoning on the steak rubbed off on to my potato making butter, salt, brown sugar, or whatever you're used to slathering that sweet potato with completely unnecessary.

On Tuesday Walt made some amazing chili.  No clue what he put in there-- other than some bison, sausage, and tomatoes-- I was sound asleep at the time.  At work I took some leftover chili, poured it over my newly baked sweet potato, topped it with 1/2 of a sliced avocado and dug in. Yum yum!

For lunch Wednesday I packed more my delicious espresso rubbed steak/sweet potato/every random packable item in my pantry concoction and ran out the door. After the adrenalin from my first ever blue alert faded, however, I wasn't in the mood for much of anything.  Instead of the protein and nutrient rich foods I'd intended to eat I ate 3 Coconut Larabars. :) Oh my gosh they're my favorite! Not ideal, but not a huge misstep.

Now Thursday begins my "weekend." Walt & I went out to Genghis Grill. I had pork and steak and veggies and a little bit of alcohol (oh my! not paleo per se, but once a week or less... I'll allow it). Then we went out and saw The Help.  Good movie. MUCH better book.

In summary, here's what I learned:

• For 'dinner' make protein that can be easily packed away for your lunch. Make extra. Pack it away right then.  
• Almost anything tastes good on a sweet potato. I love sweet potatoes! And although lots of people save them as a post-WOD food, I feel good eating them. They're also really easy to make fresh at work. For now, they're in.  
• Don't put 3 Larabars in your lunchbox at one time. They'll all be gone by 8:00 and you won't have any for tomorrow.

Getting Started

After starting my new job as a nurse on the night shift my diet went to crap. I went from about 90% paleo to a sadly SAD diet. Not ok. My energy plummeted. I couldn't get through my workouts and I needed to sleep ALL the time. Something had to change. So I've been focusing on easy to prepare meals and packing filling, nutrient dense (that's the goal), lunches. I decided to chronicle my lunches here in hopes that it'll up my motivation when it begins to lag. So, here it goes. Wish me luck.