Apologies- a first draft

Maybe I need to say something like this:

I know that you're upset with me, and I know at least one thing I did to make you feel that way.  I'm sorry that I made you feel like I was taking advantage of you.  I promise you that I never meant to use you or treat you unfairly and I acknowledge my part in that. I'm sorry. I also feel like there may have been previous things I did (that I don't know about yet, that I didn't realize offended you) that I need to apologize for. So, I'm sorry for them too. I don't want there to be anything between us. I'd like to start over and try again. What can I do to make this right?

PR

You can't PR every day. I know it.  It just feels like lately all my days have been worse than days before. My motivation to continue eating clean has been performance rather than weight loss.  Sure, weight loss was the initial motivator but I can't sustain a diet based on wanting to look good.  I get sick of the restrictions and decide that I look good enough to give up (never mind that going back to the old way of eating means going back to the old way of looking). But paleo stuck because I had to eat that way to make my way through my workouts. This is the way to eat if I want to be active and have fun and see results (strength and body composition).

Lately there have been no results.  At least that's how I feel. My sleep is jacked up. I have no energy to work out. When I make it to the WOD it just doesn't seem that exciting and I don't feel like I do that great. All in all my motivation to workout: through the tubes; and my motivation to eat right: in the crapper. It's a big and vicious cycle. My body hasn't started changing back yet but that's the next step... if I don't put an end to this.

I guess I've got a short term plan. I bought Primal Pacs and they are going to be what I eat when I really just want crap. Quick easy and clean food. It's a stop-gap until my body doesn't beg for the carbs I've been feeding it. I have to not cheat for 3 weeks (I may have to order more Primal Pacs).

Also, I think Walt & I are going to 'switch' boxes. He's using Faction to stretch (he's got the current membership) and I want to use their programming. Hopefully I can get the excitement back and start to see improvement again. It may be more disappointment at the beginning, however, if I really have regressed. I have to prepare myself for it.  Even if I'm not worse I am worse off... my lack of sleep has got to be a factor.

That leads me to my final point.  This one isn't so short term.  I guess I have to start looking for a day-shift/12 hour shift job. If they can't give it to me on 4E (12 hours... not days) I'll have to consider it. As much as I hate that, my health is worth it and I'm going to have to start thinking in that direction. 

V

I made it 5 days no cheat.  Alas, only 5 days. We had some good meals before The Belmont Grill gave me a very measly little burger on quite delicious bread, note to self, The Belmont is probably not the best choice for a paleo dinner.  They did have a great Long Island Iced Tea tho... This week I ate some delicious meatloaf (covered in bacon and stuffed with sweet potatoes), Chicken Coconut Curry, Maple Balsamic Mahi Mahi, and Cinnamon Chipotle Sliders (those smelled incredible while cooking). Very nice.

On Friday Walt & I went to the Broad Avenue Arts & Bikes Night. Fun beautiful art and metal work. Also DELICIOUS brussels sprouts and "colossal burger" at the 3 Angel's Diner. We spent a little time with some friends from Faction, Walt talked with a blacksmith, and I bought some art that I need to frame and hang on the walls.  I still can't figure out when to sleep. I want to be awake during the day but I have to be awake at night. This post isn't very exciting. I guess it's time to take some melatonin and hit the sack.

Since Wednesday

Wednesday was an awful night at work. Awful enough to cry to my husband and derail my diet with carb comfort foods.  Instead of going to bed we went out to Brother Juniper's (awesome). I ordered a Juniper Latte (Espresso, caramel, steamed milk, topped w/ whipped cream) and 3 pieces of french toast with maple syrup and bacon. To top it off I stole my hubby's home fries. The sugar rush was incredible. It even did the emotional trick for the day. The end results, however, not so good. My carb cravings? MASSIVE from that day on.

Since that fateful breakfast I've had pizza, brownies, gelato (twice), a cookie, chocolates from work's candy drawer, mexican at mi pueblo, and tacos at chipotle. all i want to eat are carbs and i have been giving in! That is, until tonight. Tonight we went to Chipotle for dinner and afterwards I made myself a (paleo) chai pumpkin latte. Delish!  However, combine the corn and rice from dinner with the coconut milk from dessert and you get one VERY unhappy tummy.

This has got to end. Also! I had my first "Oh my gosh, I think I'm going to die if I don't eat NOW" moment that I remember in recent history. I used to have those daily. I couldn't think. I felt sick. I was irritable. And Walt had to quickly figure out and come up with the food my body was craving or all hell would break loose.  The moment that returned I knew I had a problem. I have to go back to eating strict paleo. And now I have my husband's support. No more feeding my whims.  It's time to get serious and eat right. I'm going to see how many days I can go without cheating. Here's hoping for a whole week! ;)

Crash & Burn

We had company Saturday, Sunday, & today.  We had pizza, twice. Gellato, once. And two CRAZY nights at work. I had no time for the "Big Ass Salad" that I packed the past two nights.  Instead, I ate chips and almond butter. But today is a new day.  After 10 hours of sleep, it's time to try again and plan ahead.