Green Eggs & Ham

Day 3 of the 21 Day Sugar Detox and I can't find sweetener free bacon or sausage.  Hence, 3 days of green eggs and ham for breakfast.  This is actually two eggs over medium-ish  covered with delicious guacamole.  My next mission is to make some breakfast sausage of my own (a la Paleo Comfort Foods).  Well, that's one of my next missions.  I'm hungry and tired and cranky and anxious about going back to work Tuesday night.  On the plus side, I have time to shop and cook for a few days and hopefully will be through the worst of this by the time I'm heading back to the hospital. So my actual next missions include: (detox approved) coconut cookies, crab cakes, crustless quiche, take down the christmas tree (oh my!), laundry, cleaning the house, make liquid soap (tho, maybe not), make a wall makeup solution, and search for new jobs. :)
Anyway, too much to do and I'm starving.  I'm off to the kitchen.

Everyday is a new start

This blog seems to be more of a chronicle of my defeats than my victories. Sad, but true. For about 8 months, Walt & I were paleo pros... then came the night shift and holidays.  Now, after two weeks of vacation, it is time to get back to real life. We're doing the 21 Day Sugar Detox starting NOW (well 14 hours ago). Before these past few weeks I wouldn't have been too worried.  How bad could those carb cravings really be?  After 2 weeks of indulgence, however, I expect my body to revolt.  This might not be a bad thing, however.  As I've so frequently demonstrated, I'm quite a pushover when it comes to saying no to food, especially at night, especially from co-workers.  This time I'm on a mission. This isn't some minor dietary change that I can be wishy-washy with.  This is a fight.  I am going to do this. I will not allow anyone to derail me now.  Not even myself. Ready, go!

Back to Lunch

Two experiments with lunch this week and each a success!

My first experiment doesn't come with a personal picture. I made this meal (with the help of my loving husband) three times and every time was at the last second.  No time for picture taking foolishness. :) In fact, this was just the meal for nights when I literally do not have time to eat.  It's my current plan for nights when I have to charge.  So what is this amazing time saver of a meal? It was a pre-made paleo meal from RSB catering, simmered to perfection and tossed in the food processor with a little added (homemade) chicken broth and pureed to oblivion.  In the blender it looked like the epitome of health food (i.e. ew!) but consumed through a straw from a metal travel mug it was a delicious creamy soup.  My first meal was a combo of turkey chili, sweet potato puree, brussels sprouts, swiss chard, and chicken broth. I was very nervous about pulverizing so much good food into something potentially nasty but was VERY pleasantly surprised. I sipped it all night as I charted and ran around like a mad woman.  HUGE success. (bonus: no one ever questioned my supper. I might as well have been drinking water. no one ever batted an eye at the weirdness of my meal.  success!)

My second experiment does come with a picture. I made a paleo sandwich (well, wrap).  It has been almost a year since I've had a sandwich and I sincerely miss the convenience factor.  Never fear. I ordered Pure Wrap original and curry flavored wraps.  I filled the curry wrap with tuna salad (tuna, mayo, cranberries, carrots, salt, and pepper) and chowed down. SO amazing.  The cranberries and curry went SO well together.  Happy happy eating. :)  Now to dive into my copy of Well Fed and plan my meals for the week (including Christmas and family visits, yay!). 

Oh, here's the picture.

Apologies- a first draft

Maybe I need to say something like this:

I know that you're upset with me, and I know at least one thing I did to make you feel that way.  I'm sorry that I made you feel like I was taking advantage of you.  I promise you that I never meant to use you or treat you unfairly and I acknowledge my part in that. I'm sorry. I also feel like there may have been previous things I did (that I don't know about yet, that I didn't realize offended you) that I need to apologize for. So, I'm sorry for them too. I don't want there to be anything between us. I'd like to start over and try again. What can I do to make this right?

Night Shift Woes

I miss sleeping next to my husband.  I love curling up next to him in the bed.

How long, I wonder, can I work the night shift before I put my health at serious risk?

"The New Nurse"

Walt encouraged me to journal things I've learned or experienced so that one day when I've forgotten what it was like to be "the new nurse" I will be able to look back and give advice and encouragement to someone else.

So here we go (in no particular order):

• At first you will feel super insecure about everything: drawing up liquid medicines, hanging and setting IVs, asking the patient if they use illegal drugs... This will pass.  It will pass too quickly.  You'll start to feel comfortable and make mistakes.  Be slow and steady.  The mistakes will cause you to be nervous again.  The next time you grow comfortable, I think, it will actually be because you've got it down. Still be slow and steady. The first time you got comfortable you got sloppy this time you just feel at ease. I think I felt this at 5 months.
• Find an ally.  You're new and need a friend who will answer your stupid questions without making you feel stupid. Also, ask your stupid questions.  It's better to feel stupid than to write up an incident report.  Then you'll really feel stupid.
• Ask for forgiveness when you make interpersonal mistakes. I haven't figured out how the whole co-worker situation works yet. It seems complicated and slightly petty. 6 months in and I still feel like I'm accidentally stepping on toes. Hopefully I'll be able to give better advice on this SOON.
• Take your breaks. Eat your food. Always be willing to help.

Advent

December 6 — 1 John 4:7-21
While  dwelling  upon  God’s  great  love  for  you,  what
facets of the Gospel has He used to most ignite worship
in  your  heart?  Secondly,  how  are  you  reflecting  His
kind of sacrificial love at work, school, or in your home?

What first stood out to me in this passage was in verses 16-18: And so we know and rely on the love God has for us. God is love. Whoever lives in love lives in God, and God in them. This is how love is made complete among us so that we will have confidence on the day of judgement: In this world we are like Jesus. There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment.

It is God's love his giving, sacrificial, atoning, preemptive love that gives us confidence on the day of judgement and leaves us with nothing to fear. It is the base that stabilizes our future.  We can act in confidence today because of our security in tomorrow.  In this world we are like Jesus. How exciting is that? This passage reminds me... it encourages boldness in me.  LOVE THOSE AROUND YOU. Actively. At work I believe that I often act out of the love God has supernaturally placed within me.  God gives me patience with all sorts of impossible people.  I can only give him credit.  However, I know that I should move beyond mere patience and kindness.  There are opportunities for greater love and I need to step into them boldly. 

Work, in the patient's room, is the easiest place to apply this.  Not only is it the easiest place to see the implications it's the easiest place to enact them.  But once I step out into the hall or back into my house the situation gets more tricky.  I feel like I have to focus more on the sacrificial and preemptive aspects of God's love outside the patient's room. And yet, in this world we are like Jesus. That still blows me away. God lives in us and his love is made complete in us. It seems to me I need to surrender to him and allow that work in my life when I slip back into "loving" within my own power.... which happens a whole lot in my day to day life... and not very successfully.

Praise God that he chose to love us first! That he created the basis for our security and boldness. That his love in us makes us like him in this world. That we are able to exhibit it even tho' in and of ourselves we're pretty rotten, selfish, and insecure. And so we know and rely on the love God has for us. God is love. Whoever lives in love lives in God, and God in them.