PR

You can't PR every day. I know it.  It just feels like lately all my days have been worse than days before. My motivation to continue eating clean has been performance rather than weight loss.  Sure, weight loss was the initial motivator but I can't sustain a diet based on wanting to look good.  I get sick of the restrictions and decide that I look good enough to give up (never mind that going back to the old way of eating means going back to the old way of looking). But paleo stuck because I had to eat that way to make my way through my workouts. This is the way to eat if I want to be active and have fun and see results (strength and body composition).

Lately there have been no results.  At least that's how I feel. My sleep is jacked up. I have no energy to work out. When I make it to the WOD it just doesn't seem that exciting and I don't feel like I do that great. All in all my motivation to workout: through the tubes; and my motivation to eat right: in the crapper. It's a big and vicious cycle. My body hasn't started changing back yet but that's the next step... if I don't put an end to this.

I guess I've got a short term plan. I bought Primal Pacs and they are going to be what I eat when I really just want crap. Quick easy and clean food. It's a stop-gap until my body doesn't beg for the carbs I've been feeding it. I have to not cheat for 3 weeks (I may have to order more Primal Pacs).

Also, I think Walt & I are going to 'switch' boxes. He's using Faction to stretch (he's got the current membership) and I want to use their programming. Hopefully I can get the excitement back and start to see improvement again. It may be more disappointment at the beginning, however, if I really have regressed. I have to prepare myself for it.  Even if I'm not worse I am worse off... my lack of sleep has got to be a factor.

That leads me to my final point.  This one isn't so short term.  I guess I have to start looking for a day-shift/12 hour shift job. If they can't give it to me on 4E (12 hours... not days) I'll have to consider it. As much as I hate that, my health is worth it and I'm going to have to start thinking in that direction. 

My Weekend is Too Short

Delightful dinner. So quick and easy that the only picture I have is of its leftovers.

Honestly, it was just lunch meat rolled up in cheese & the best apple ever. Who can't use a simple and tasty paleo meal on their night off?  I'm seriously tempted to eat another apple. The honey crisps I got on Saturday are the best I've ever tasted. YUM.

In other news, it's my weekend again. This month I get Monday/Tuesday off (which is really Sunday night and Monday). So on my first weekend night off (since May) I slept until 3, drank some highly caffeinated tea, took a walk with Walt & the dog, went to church (drank some more tea), and rushed to Arkansas (less rushing next week) for a bonfire with the Wilsons.

Let me just say, I married a man who can make an incredible cooking fire. We had s'mores (yay, that's the treat for this week) with nutella and cheddar brats and pork ribs. Great food and as a side bonus: my clothes smell like campfire. One of the best smells on earth.

Tomorrow I'm going to try to get up early (I'll hopefully go to bed early too) so Walt & I can go to Meeman-Shelby Forest State Park to hike some new trails. I want to cook some chicken I've had my eye on for at least a week and carve some pumpkins too. Unfortunately, I guess the zoo will have to wait until another time. I'm kind of hoping for a cold and drizzly day.  Is that weird? I just picture myself and Walt all bundled up and close together with the animals and a distinct lack of whiny kids thanks to the slightly crummy weather. I might even carry around a coffee or spiced cider. This could be just perfect. :)

In still other news, I'm not feeling very motivated to work out lately. I feel like I'm getting weaker, not stronger and miss the programming I got used to at Faction. I like my new box... just not the main site workouts.  It's hard to get up for a work out when you don't see the results. It's hard to get up at all with this crazy work schedule I have. I really just want 12 hour shifts or days. But with my manager not (truthfully) willing to consider 12 hour shifts it looks like I'm stuck trying to motivate myself on too little sleep for a little while longer. Thankfully, I just got my copy of Make It Paleo to play with this next week. (It's the size of some of my nursing text books. I can play with this book for weeks and weeks to come!)

VI

It must be the caffeine coursing through my veins, but I'm pretty excited about life right now.  There's no good reason.  I'm still trying to live days and nights and thinking about whether or not I should look for a new job, whether or not we should move back to Arkansas, whether or not to live above our means and join back up at Faction, whether or not Walt's back will heal and he'll join the army, waiting to see how long we live in limbo until we know and can move ahead, etc. etc. (I know, I know... 1st world problems).

All of that, a messy house, and here I am meal planning for the next 7 days. It's 4 AM Wednesday morning. I just hope I can get the energy up to buy the groceries and prep the ingredients for these meals. But right now, it all seems very doable.  And this morning I'm going to go work out (hence the coffee). 0600 WOD here I come. I'm just crossing my fingers that it is still on. Life feels pretty good.

(Oh- and fyi, today I had brats for breakfast and then picked up a DELICIOUS cup of illy coffee at Cafe Eclectic on our way to Arkansas. It's gray and chilly and rainy and it made me want to move to Seattle and drink coffee all the time --that is a lot of and's--. In Arkansas I got to see most of the Stokes clan --Bob, Barbara, Dorothy, baby Julia, Kora, Saja, David, & Tobias-- and then got to break in a "youth gun" for my niece's birthday. I hadn't realized how much more fun it is to shoot a gun when it doesn't leave bruises on your shoulder and take all your might to pull the trigger, hold the gun, and avoid kickback.  I feel kinda sheepish but... I think they need a little rebranding so that I can proudly own one myself. After dark Walt & I made our way back to Memphis to the 3 Angel's Diner --this is attempt two in two days, I wanted me some brussels sprouts-- where we had the amazing Colossus Burger sans bun, pickle and chips. You know it's good when you can get full sans bun, pickle, and chips; and this burger stuffs me. We came home where I fell asleep during Toy Story 3, oops, made some coffee, did some laundry, discovered the accent vlog -- more to come on that--, and sat down to plan our week in food.  Also, on a slightly related note, this is a 4 day work week for me. Yet another reason life is looking good. :) Sorry for that ramble.  This is probably proof positive that coffee has a profound affect on me. I just hope I don't crash just before 6.)

V

I made it 5 days no cheat.  Alas, only 5 days. We had some good meals before The Belmont Grill gave me a very measly little burger on quite delicious bread, note to self, The Belmont is probably not the best choice for a paleo dinner.  They did have a great Long Island Iced Tea tho... This week I ate some delicious meatloaf (covered in bacon and stuffed with sweet potatoes), Chicken Coconut Curry, Maple Balsamic Mahi Mahi, and Cinnamon Chipotle Sliders (those smelled incredible while cooking). Very nice.

On Friday Walt & I went to the Broad Avenue Arts & Bikes Night. Fun beautiful art and metal work. Also DELICIOUS brussels sprouts and "colossal burger" at the 3 Angel's Diner. We spent a little time with some friends from Faction, Walt talked with a blacksmith, and I bought some art that I need to frame and hang on the walls.  I still can't figure out when to sleep. I want to be awake during the day but I have to be awake at night. This post isn't very exciting. I guess it's time to take some melatonin and hit the sack.

I

Day One Success! Well... 24 hours down. :)  I'm still happy.  I've had egg salad (2 eggs, organic mayo, salt, pepper, and paprika), almonds, coffee with coconut creamer and coconut curry "throw together." I'm taking the leftovers with me to eat for "lunch" at work tonight so hopefully there'll be no cheating there. The curry was pretty good.  Life lesson I need remember, however, is that my ovens never cook as quickly as recipes predict.  Regardless, who can complain about chicken, broccoli, butternut squash, sweet potato all smothered in coconut milk, coconut flour, and amazing seasonings? Not me! I'm going to pull it together and head out to work.

Since Wednesday

Wednesday was an awful night at work. Awful enough to cry to my husband and derail my diet with carb comfort foods.  Instead of going to bed we went out to Brother Juniper's (awesome). I ordered a Juniper Latte (Espresso, caramel, steamed milk, topped w/ whipped cream) and 3 pieces of french toast with maple syrup and bacon. To top it off I stole my hubby's home fries. The sugar rush was incredible. It even did the emotional trick for the day. The end results, however, not so good. My carb cravings? MASSIVE from that day on.

Since that fateful breakfast I've had pizza, brownies, gelato (twice), a cookie, chocolates from work's candy drawer, mexican at mi pueblo, and tacos at chipotle. all i want to eat are carbs and i have been giving in! That is, until tonight. Tonight we went to Chipotle for dinner and afterwards I made myself a (paleo) chai pumpkin latte. Delish!  However, combine the corn and rice from dinner with the coconut milk from dessert and you get one VERY unhappy tummy.

This has got to end. Also! I had my first "Oh my gosh, I think I'm going to die if I don't eat NOW" moment that I remember in recent history. I used to have those daily. I couldn't think. I felt sick. I was irritable. And Walt had to quickly figure out and come up with the food my body was craving or all hell would break loose.  The moment that returned I knew I had a problem. I have to go back to eating strict paleo. And now I have my husband's support. No more feeding my whims.  It's time to get serious and eat right. I'm going to see how many days I can go without cheating. Here's hoping for a whole week! ;)

Two Successes

We had a huge success last week with bacon wrapped chicken skewers and mango dipping sauce. Walt even said that we never needed to eat out again. "This is probably better than any restaurant meal I've had in a year." The mango dipping sauce was so good we tried freezing it into popsicles for a later date (not as much a success. but take out the vinegar and it would be incredible too).

Another dinner success was last night (at 5 am). Here I made Turkey Curry Pumpkin Sliders with garlic sauteed broccoli. I doubt this one is Walt's favorite but it certainly is one of mine.

 This is my last night off and a new week of easy (& delicious) dinners await.

Bedtime for the Bonzette

What is your bedtime routine, dear non-existent reader?
On days when I have to work it goes something like this: Let the dog out and boil some water for tea, drop my scrubs directly into the washer and change into my pj's, let the dog in and give him his breakfast. I pour my tea and take my vitamins, clean myself up. Then I take my Magnesium Serene "tea" into bed with me, snuggle up next to the hubby and talk about the day, ask him how he slept. Once I'm done sipping my tea I'll go to sleep and he'll get up for the day. That's how bedtime goes 5 days a week.
On my weekends (whatever days those may be), I try to ease into sleep just a little bit more gradually (Seriously, it may sound eased but it's 30 minutes from blue alerts, RRTs, and psych patients leaving AMA to snuggling in with my sweetie). On weekends I turn off the lights and tv one hour before bedtime.  I shut off all the blue lights and replace them with candles. I get ready for bed while getting the dog ready for the day. Then I take my tea, cozy up with my nook, and read by candle light until I'm good and tired. Finally, I snuggle in with my honey, ask him how he slept, and drift off to sleep myself.
Speaking of... it's time to shut this computer and open up my nook.